Should I write my own vows for my wedding?
Should I write my own vows for my wedding?
That ultimately depends on your personal preference. Writing your own vows can add a personal and heartfelt touch to your wedding ceremony, but it can also be quite nerve-wracking for some people. If you feel comfortable sharing your own vows and expressing your feelings in front of your loved ones, then it may be worth considering. However, if you prefer a more traditional approach, then reciting pre-written vows may be more suitable for you. It's essential to choose a decision that feels authentic and true to you and your partner.
Many clients I have worked with choose to write vows to one another and read them from a wedding vow book, like you can find on Amazon, from a piece of stationery provided by the hotel they are staying at, or right off of their phone. There is no right or wrong way. If you are comfortable, for some, they like the spontaneity of speaking from the heart without much structure to create a more authentic feel.
How to Write Your Own Vows
When writing your own vows, start by remembering why you fell in love with your partner, what he/she means to you and how you promise to sustain your love for the years to come. Keep in mind, ultimately when writing your own vows, you are making promises to your future spouse as to how you are going to keep your love alive and how you will dedicate yourself to treating them as life moves forward. As a marriage counselor (My primary occupation) I have heard from many couples who struggle for various reasons that they hang in there, "because I made a vow." So, the wedding vows need to be taken seriously as a promise for life.
Having said that, adding a little humor is acceptable, (i.e. “I promise I will always pick up my socks.” ) but make sure you focus on the seriousness of the moment. In regard to timeframes, read it out loud beforehand when you practice and shoot for no longer than 2 to 3 minutes for the total time to express what you have created.
My favorite way of doing the vows is when a couple expresses their own personal vows as described above, but then concludes with the traditional, repeat after me vows. By incorporating both, it has the feel of intimate connection along with the beauty of tradition.
Try out Writing Your Own Vows
Below is a sample of traditional, repeat after me vows:
I __________, take you _________ to be my wife
To have and to hold, from this day forward,
For better, for worse, for richer for poorer,
In sickness and in health.
To love and to cherish as long as we both shall live.
_________, do you promise to uphold these vows? If so, express your intention to _________ by saying, “I do.”
For other ideas, consult the site: myweddingvows.com for more information related to writing your own vows, non-traditional vows, and other ideas.
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